What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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