Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
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