69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Best friends brother. Beat that.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
