Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Randomize
