I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
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