Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Randomize
