8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
we made out on top of his cat.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
