At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
