Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
