god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
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i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
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I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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