All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Your face is a jimmy john
he shaved USA in his pubs
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
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I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
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Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I feel like a drive thru vagina
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
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