I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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