Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
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would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
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Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
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