I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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