My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
