I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
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