Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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