piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I just made out with a guy for $7.
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
