It's Friday. Sex?
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Randomize
