First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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