Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
