I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
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