Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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