Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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