Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
