Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
