I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
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