her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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