I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Randomize
