so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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