it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Randomize
