Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
My penis needs a shock collar
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
