i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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