who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
