I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
