If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Who wears a wallet chain?!
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Randomize
