were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
