im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Randomize
