Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Randomize
