Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
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Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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