I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
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