so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
We had sex on a dog bed..
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
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