its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
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