just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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