I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
