Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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