so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
