it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
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