i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
