I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
