I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
