So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
