Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
