I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Randomize
