So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
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