Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
