she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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