I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
