This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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