I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Randomize
