people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
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