Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
