Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
my liver is dry heaving
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
