end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Randomize
