Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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